"An Untested Christian--From the Heart of Jerry"

By Jerry Mudge of Footprints

 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. For those God foreknew He also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of His Son..." 
Romans 8:28-29 (NIV)

Before my sons' death in October 1990, this was my favorite verse. I had served the Lord for over 30 years and I had always thought that my family and I were protected from physical harm because we were "Christians." We had never really been tested in our faith. Our family was active in the church. My sons and daughter served as acolytes and crucifers at our church. Over the years I was youth worker, Sunday school teacher, nursery worker, President of one of the Ladies' circles and then President of all five Lutheran Missionary League circles at our church. Later I was Zone Chairman for five churches in the Women's Missionary League.

 To me, this verse was saying that only good things will happen because I was "Serving Him." When my sons died, my sister said to me (even before we buried the boys): "Jerry, God knew you could handle this because you are a strong Christian." At that moment, I would have given anything to be a 'weak' Christian and have my children back, but I was in shock at that point.

 I tried to be strong for my family so hid my tears from them. I only cried when I got into a tub with the water as hot as I could stand it. I would just sit in it and groan like I was giving birth to a child. I even asked God to take me home on June 29, 1991, because I could no longer bear the pain.

 That day the Lord and I began a great spiritual journey that has given me greater faith than I ever had and opened up what those verses really meant. As I was praying that day, I heard a voice in my head that sounded like my son, Wayne. He said, "Mom, you can't go; you've got work to do."

 Then I read a book by Steve Brown, "When Your Rope Breaks." I learned that before I can really be useful to God, I had to be broken. We become stronger in those broken places. I will never know in this life why God took my sons and later, my first husband. But I have finally learned to trust Him completely and not trust in myself. He is still remolding me and conforming me to His Son's likeness. My life is now in His hands and I live every day by faith, not my works.

 In this world, we will all have trials and tribulations but in our tragedies, God can bring out something far better, more beautiful, more enduring than that precious thing which was broken in our lives. God is still in charge of our lives and He would not permit any tragedy for Christians if He did not see that, in the end, it will serve a more useful purpose for Him.